Red Like Tango

Tag: update

  • You Look Just Like Your Enemy

    Do you ever have dreams involving ostensibly trivial things – like the date, for instance – and then wake up and go about your day thinking it’s a week ahead of reality? I do. I’ve been breathing hard all morning because I thought I’d been here for a full month already and that would mean time is going by too fast which in turn would mean I’m not really living in the moment. Needless to say, I was delighted to find out just now that it’s only been three weeks.

    Well so. It’s been three weeks.

    Moment of honesty: Writing updates is difficult because I feel like I’ve gotta say something profound and moving and original and I don’t feel up to it most of the time. Actually, that’s the same reason I don’t blog as much as I’d like to. Or write music. Or create.

    Wow. Epiphanies.

    Alright, I’m just gonna tell you how things are going.

    The language is a lot harder than I expected it to be, but I found a really cool way to measure progress: I watch Pan’s Labyrinth once a week and see how much more I understand. It’s fun, except for that scene in which the doctor amputates a leg 1940’s-style.

    Unfortunately, that’s just the understanding bit. The speaking bit is so much harder, and I’ll tell you why: I hate looking foolish. I hate making mistakes. I have this fantasy in my head that one day I’ll just start speaking flawless Castellano and everyone will be amazed – I want you to be amazed at me – and there will be all these accolades and big eyes and pats on the back and Wow Ian is so smart!

    Sad, but true.

    I know I’ve written about that before, but I wanted to make sure you know I’m still not perfect. I had a lot of you fooled, I know.

    So how do I get out of that? (I feel a soap box coming on.) I mean, that’s the question, right?  Or it should be. I can’t count how many times I’ve been talking to someone and they reveal a flaw and they just throw up their hands and say Well that’s just me. Really? That’s just you? I’ll tell you what I think: I think you’re lazy. Or you’re building walls to hide behind because you want to be satisfied and all this imperfection is not satisfying, is it? So you gotta figure out a way to make it okay. We’re all just trying to be okay.

    Well, wake up. You will never be okay if all you do is build walls to hide behind. The answer for you is the same as the answer for me. In my case, I’m running around seeking everyone’s approval. Why? I’ve made an idol out of people. More specifically, out of people’s praise. In other words, I’m worshiping at the altar of people’s good opinions. The answer is to start worshiping God.

    When that happens – and I know, because I’ve experienced it – everything falls into place. When I’m really, seriously worshiping God with my life, the puzzle fits together. It affects everything. And beyond that, what’s available is not just being okay but total satisfaction. I’m gonna say that again, in case you missed it: complete, utter, absolute, consummate, unmitigated, comprehensive, out-and-out satisfaction is available in the person of Jesus Christ. Man, I want that.

    Ok this is turning into less of an update and more of a sermon. I’m just not content to sit around sighing about my inadequacies (insofar as they are a result of my inaction) and I don’t think you should be either. So let’s start figuring out what our idols are, huh?

    Anyway.

    Ropes Course
    Mark has asked me to spearhead the planning and building of a ropes course for the camps this summer! God has provided in a lot of ways to make this a reality, the most notable of which is the person of my brother-in-law, Alex. Alex has a lot of experience with experiential education by way of wilderness trips and ropes courses, and is an invaluable resource for this project. We’re still in the very beginning stages – developing a (my) mental framework, which is of utmost importance – but plan to move this forward very quickly. It’ll be a miracle if it comes together, because camp starts on the first of July.

    Ok I’m all write-ed out. We’ve got some things to pray for, you and I.

    That reminds me: I’d really like to hear from you. Yes, you. You don’t have to comment on here, but maybe a quick Facebook message or email to let me know what’s going on in your world. We gotta stay connected!

    Love.

  • Doing

    I realized after writing that last post that some of you are perhaps wondering what I’m actually doing here. So I’m gonna write another one, and we’ll call it a double feature.

    A lot of people asked me this question before I came: What are you going to do in Spain? Of course they did. What else are they gonna ask me? Well, the response I often gave, while good and accurate in my own estimation, was vague, and left most people unsatisfied. “I’m going to help.”
    “Okay..?” was a common response.
    “With what?” was another one.
    “Right on.” was my favorite.

    As I said, I stand by what I said about coming here to help. It was and is my chief desire to be a blessing to Mark and Stephanie and the team here at YFC Spain in whatever way I can. (Actually, that idea has been rolling around in my head since I heard about a conversation that took place between my brother, his wife, and some of their college friends – the idea of being a blessing. Whether you are working at a law firm or building houses or going to school, one of your jobs, if you are a Christian, is to be a blessing to those around you. I love that. That makes work so much more fun. Of course, I haven’t perfected it.)

    Anyway, here are some of the things I’ve been doing, for those curious.

    Cleaning
    There is a LOT of cleaning to be done. Well, first, I should tell you about the center. YFC Spain has a center in Barcelona which is a front, if you will, for their missions operation. One thing they do at the center is run an English Academy. They have a couple of classrooms and a couple of teachers – a wonderful British lady named Bev and a full-time missionary named Brandon. They also run a tutoring program and have forums on Monday and Friday nights. Monday nights are for twentysomethings to come and talk about ideas. Fridays are for the kids.

    Well. Kids make things dirty. They run around and play like kids do, and they scuff the walls, etc. So, Friday, I came in and scrubbed the walls in the rec room. This room is also used by two churches on the weekends. Today, I scrubbed the walls in the lobby and in the hallway which leads to the classrooms. It was a fair amount of work, but nothing that a couple afternoons couldn’t take care of.

    Future tasks include more wall-scrubbing and painting what can’t be scrubbed.

    Berea
    Berea is a camp that YFC runs during the summer, named for the city Paul and Silas visited in Acts 17. It. is. beautiful. It’s an hour or so inland – and let me tell you, the Spanish countryside feels like being in a movie or a novel – and it’s in the middle of nowhere up in the hills so you can see the Mediterranean in the far distance as well as this incredible mountain called Montserrat. On Monday, Mark and I went up to ready ourselves before the Spanish Inquisition came to make sure we didn’t need to be put on the rack for our heresies. Ok bad joke. We had to make sure the camp would pass the yearly, somewhat-capricious inspection. No big deal. We spent the night and I spent a few hours on Tuesday morning painting the concrete around the pool in some seriously ideal weather. An awful sacrifice, I know.

    So one of the big pluses (or drawbacks, depending on your point of view) of doing jobs like these for missionaries who don’t have the time to do them is that you’re an immediate hero. They are simple tasks, really. (I mean, it is true that there’s a certain lack of…I don’t know…initiative…in the Spanish psyche, so probably any American who came in would look very industrious and/or ambitious. Also crazy.) But that you have done them is SUCH. a big HELP. you have no IDEA!

    The reason I said that about drawbacks is that it doesn’t do much to help me fight my pride. But by God’s grace, I am vigilant.

    What else? Ah yes. I really like YFC Spain’s approach to missions because it’s right up my alley. (Also, it works very well within the context of recent Spanish history, but I won’t get into that here.) YFC Spain is all about developing relationships with people, building trust in those relationships, and then speaking the Gospel into that space. If you know me, you know I love that. I love people. I love people’s stories. I love hearing people’s stories. I love building relationships with people. And most of all, Jesus loves me and I love Jesus and I love telling people about how Jesus loves them. It can be a very long process, but it’s my favorite.

    So anyway. I hope the picture is coming into focus, now.

  • Priorities

    Hey everyone!

    (I considered writing something like “Saludos!” but I didn’t want to be predictable.)
    Well. I arrived in Spain over a week ago on Tuesday at eight in the morning Barcelona time. That’s 1 a.m. Chicago time. I hadn’t slept except for maybe an hour on the transatlantic flight because there were several fantastic in-flight movies available, so I was very tired. I was advised, however, that the best way to conquer jet lag is to stay up for the first day, be in the sun, let your body-clock readjust, etc, and this I did. It wasn’t easy.
    Anyway, the first week has been really good. Until yesterday, when I moved to the center, I’d been staying with the Dodrills. It was nice to be in a comfortable environment around people I know while acclimating to the new culture and learning my way around. They have a great place in a town called Castelldefels which is a couple towns over from Barcelona. It’s actually a destination in itself because it has the longest beach on the Mediterranean.
    But on to the good stuff. One of the great things about major transitions is that there are many lessons to be learned and God’s teachings seem abundantly clear. I think this is because the times are volatile, and one feels one’s need of and dependence on God more acutely and thus searches more diligently, perhaps, for the diamonds in the rough.

    So, the major question of the last week: What are your priorities?

    On my first work day at the center, Mark and I sat down to eat lunch with another worker named Ruben. I finished my lunch first, which is not uncommon no matter whom I’m with, and as soon as Mark finished his food, I grabbed both of our plates and darted for the kitchen sink. Mark looked at Ruben, laughed and shook his head, and said something along the lines of, “Crazy Americans…” It was in Spanish, so I didn’t catch all of it.

    Meals take a long time here. Lunch can be a two-hour event, no matter the context. You go out (or stay in), you order your food (or you heat up what you brought with you), you sit down and eat, and you talk. And talk. And let the silences linger. And talk.

    At first, I was thinking, “Oh my gosh these lazy people! How does anything get done around here?” But then I started to wonder if it isn’t more a question of priority. In America, efficiency is king – You’re done eating lunch? Alright, get the place cleared and get back to it. – and we think that’s universal. What’s more, we tend to think that inefficiency is immoral. Well, maybe it is, but was what I just experienced inefficiency? Was it, in fact, laziness? Or was there simply a higher priority being placed on time spent with one another, enjoying the moment, however small.

    Well, I think that’s enough for now. Feedback? Feel free to write.

    And thanks for being on this journey with me.

  • Living

    So I moved into that house in Batavia.

    I got anxious while moving, because even though I’d spent a solid month or more in deliberation, it still felt like things were happening too quickly, like I hadn’t been patient enough. Maybe it’s just something that happens when big decisions are made.

    And now I live here. All of my stuff is here. It’s not at Wayside anymore. None of it. Between Teen Challenge and Wayside, I spent eleven months living with forty to ninety other guys. Now, I live with four, and it’s so quiet.

    That reminds me, I haven’t explained the situation into which I’ve moved. The house is for Wayside graduates, providing another, higher level of transition into The Real World. Rent starts out very affordable at zero dollars for the first month, and then increases over the next eleven months to five hundred, at which amount it stays. There are five bedrooms. Mine is the only room, presently, that has two beds, but that’ll be changing shortly.

    Oh yes. Another tidbit: I’ve been made the house manager, effective 7 January 2011. The guys who live here are all fifteen-plus years my senior and have been living here from one to four years (set in their ways, they are) which makes things somewhat difficult, but – and this has been my cry for the last eleven months – nothing worth doing is easy! As the new sheriff in town, I’ll be doing things like making more of the rooms doubles (which I believe fosters community), instituting a regular cleaning schedule (which I believe is a necessary part of mental and emotional health, as well as physical), replacing the cushiony toilet seat (gross) with a normal toilet seat, and maybe even repainting (spice it up a little, you know? It’s a boring pale yellow which could totally be replaced with, oh I don’t know, emerald green).

    So back to what I was saying: It was – is – an odd transition, living with so many guys for so long to living with so few. I mean, I have my own room (until Joe moves in), a place to put my toiletries (other than my toiletry bag), a place to hang my towels (other than on the front of a locker), a door to shut when I’m ready to sleep. I have a refrigerator, a stove/oven, a dining room table. It’s incredible. I’m still giddy about it.
    But it was hard moving out of Wayside, which phrase I never thought I’d utter. It was hard moving away from the guys. There was a lot of emotion in the move. After all the rush of packing things and then taking them over to the new place, it hit me: I’m leaving. And praise God for that! But I invested all this time and energy and emotion into that place – and from that place so much was invested into me – that I’m a part of it and it of me. And now I’m leaving.

    It was heavy.

    I don’t know. Maybe as humans we’re just really, deeply averse to change. (Maybe I shouldn’t make blanket statements like that, should talk about myself and not include you.) I used to be that guy who just loved spontaneity and flying by the seat of his pants, and I’m not anymore because it’s so damn exhausting. I like a schedule. I like to know what’s going to happen tomorrow and the next day. Of course, I can’t really know these things, but you know what I mean. And people who live that way – “spontaneously” – are extra-defensive of their way of life, which just makes me think they don’t want change, either, would hate to make a plan for lunch.

    I don’t think it’s just change, though. I think what’s behind all the heaviness is just that: heaviness. Brilliant, I know. It’s the same old saying-goodbye-pain that everyone’s been dealing with since God breathed life into us, and it still hurts.

    Anyway:
    -Pray for me, and let me know how I can pray for you.
    -Sorry for the parenthetical overload.
    -A good winter’s day to you.